How Can Something Like Pornography Destroy Intimacy?

Why can pornography be so damaging to intimacy? 

The use of porn can create ideas about sex that are not realistic. After all, pornography is all about self-gratification. Unfortunately, scenes often involve dominating their partner. This idea alone can skew the idea of what intimacy is truly about. Over time, it can be damaging to both the emotional and physical intimacy of a relationship.  

Emotional intimacy is an essential part of a relationship. It's the component of a healthy, loving relationship, where both partners feel secure, loved, and valued. Likewise, it's the key to building trust and communication. Ultimately, it's a crucial part of a fulfilling relationship. On the contrary, porn is often about controlling the other to achieve personal satisfaction. Pornography doesn't depict this crucial component of a relationship.  

Regarding physical intimacy, pornography use can set you up for real disappointment. Although the scenes are acted out, when you have a real physical reaction, it can distort the idea that you're watching fantasy, not reality. Then, when scenes can't be recreated with your partner, it can lead to frustration and disappointment. As a result, you may begin to prefer pornography instead of an authentic physical connection with your partner. 

But wait, maybe you believe it's completely harmless. After all, you're not letting it interfere, and you have a great emotional and sexual connection with your partner. 

Questions to ask yourself about your pornography use and intimacy?

There are many ways pornography can negatively impact both physical and emotional intimacy. Yet, for some, it doesn't seem to be a problem. 

Here are some questions to ask yourself. These aim to help you identify if viewing porn could be damaging your relationship. 

Does my partner know what I'm watching and how often? Are there any secrets surrounding your use of porn? After all, secrets tend to negatively impact relationships.

Are you and your spouse on the same page when it comes to pornography? If you're ok with it, but your partner isn't, this can destroy trust and safety within your relationship.  

Is your use of pornography interfering with any of your responsibilities in the home or at work? 

Is porn required to enjoy intimacy with your partner? If so, that may indicate it's becoming more of a compulsive urge that could be the beginning of an addiction.   

Only you and your partner can determine if porn use is destroying intimacy within your relationship. If your spouse's opinion differs from yours, it may be worth seeking guidance from a therapist. Together you can approach the discussion and identify areas where pornography may be causing issues. At Counseling Alliance, we specialize in sex and porn addiction. We'd love to help you and your partner approach the topic together.